Almost Here
by bella78
Summary: The true love of Nolan Ross returns to him. Nolan/Emily. AU & OOC. 7 short chapters. Set after s4e13. This story was written because Nolan's marriage to Louise pissed me off big time. (Warning: English isn't my first language)
1. Chapter 1: Homecoming

**Chapter 1: Homecoming**

"Thank God you are here."

Nolan Ross wasn't a religious man, but that could have easily been true when he looked at me adoringly as I lay in a deck chair by the pool at his Hamptons house.

As Nolan caressed my arm his eyes turned to my belly, the pregnancy was showing already. We hadn't seen each other for a couple of months. Back then he had appeared to my New York apartment, where I had escaped the news of his marriage. He had been showing off annulment papers. He had insisted that he regretted deeply his marriage to Louise Ellis, but I still hadn't been ready to forgive that.

And how was I supposed to forgive and forget? Nolan was engaged to me but married someone else, out of the blue! It didn't matter that the reason for the marrige wasn't love, the real reason behind it being just Louise's financial mess. Even though I knew that there was nothing more than friendship between Nolan and Louise, his sudden marriage had been a huge shock for me nonetheless.

As it happens, on that very same day I had been waiting for Nolan to come home, to tell him the joyous news: I was pregnant. Again. My previous pregnancy had ended in a very early miscarriage.

And now, today, I had surprised Nolan by coming to his house unannounced.

"Are you here... to stay?"

I couldn't answer to Nolan's timid question because I didn't know the answer yet. The silence between us lasted for a long time, until Nolan seemed to wake up from his ecstasy and the loving caretaker kicked in.

"Are you hungry?"

Upon my arrival I had raided Nolan's fridge, he always kept there something for me. But the long day by the pool, waiting for him had of course been mildly exhausting in my current state and had taken its toll.

"Do you wanna stay at home or go out?"

Nolan was an excellent cook, but we decided to dine in the nearby restaurant, owned by him.

When I was going to the shower Nolan came by to whisper something to my ear. "Ookay", I said, unsure.


	2. Chapter 2: Missing

**Chapter 2: Missing**

At the restaurant Nolan was back to his ecstatic state and kept staring at me.

"I'm not a miracle on Earth", I said with a smile on my face. "Yes you are", he whispered. "I had already given up all hope."

The smile faded from my face and I averted my eyes from his. A lonely tear escaped from the corner of my eye. Nolan put his arm around me, tightly.

Later that night I was back where I belonged. "I love you so much", he whispered. "When you were gone I often dreamed of you. And then I woke up and you weren't really here..." I could hear and feel his tears.

Nolan seemed to be afraid. That if he touched me I'd disappear into thin air.

"Please", I said and turned to face him.

"I thought you'd want to take things slow", was his response.

"Are you afraid you'll scare me away?" I asked. He looked really cute when he blushed.

"I feel so stupid. And I have been so stupid", he whipped himself.

"I'm not going anywhere", I assured him and crossed my hand with his.

Then, finally, he kissed me.

Afterwards, even still, he seemed reluctant. His hand was shaking when he stroked my stomach, very gently, barely touching at all. "It feels so strange", he whispered. "It's been so long time... and now this."

Reality. A new life. A real miracle.

I wiped tears from Nolan's cheek, and started to cry too.


	3. Chapter 3: Forbidden

**Chapter 3: Forbidden**

On the next day I brought up the forbidden topic by wondering where Louise was. She had practically moved to Nolan's house right before their wedding, but hadn't now been around.

I was standing by the kitchen counter, drinking a glass of water. Nolan came to me and put his arms around me. "Please don't do this", he whispered to my hair. "You are acting as if you had something to hide", I said harshly.

Finally Nolan released me from his bear hug. I walked slowly to the living room sofa. And waited.

Nolan leaned to the wall, with his hands crossed to his chest. "I haven't met her since the annulment", he revealed finally. I looked at him closely. "Why not?"

Nolan looked at me sadly and sighed. "It was the biggest mistake of my life. I wasn't thinking at all."

He sat next to me to the couch. "You didn't deserve that", he said as he caressed my cheek. "So, the only sane thing to do was to let that friendship go." Sane. Somehow, in my mind, that word didn't bode well with Louise Ellis.

"I don't want you to do that. I don't want to chain you up and restrict your life."

"I want you, and only you, infinity times infinity", Nolan whispered to my ear.

"Even so..." I sighed. "I don't want to choose your friends." "It's better this way", Nolan assured me.

"Why? Were you afraid you would... slip?" I asked, with the familiar bitterness in my voice again.

"You are never going to let that go, are you?" "I'm afraid I can't...", I had to admit.

"I've told you countless times that I don't sleep with everyone just because I happen to play for both teams."

I knew that, but unfortunately Louise Ellis wasn't just anybody.


	4. Chapter 4: Tears

**Chapter 4: Tears**

Next month when the bleeding began I wasn't surprised. Surely I wasn't brought to this world to carry a pregnancy to full term.

I was scared, because I knew that this time the miscarriage would be far more difficult, the pregnancy had lasted so much longer. The first time I hadn't even wanted to go to the hospital, but Nolan had insisted that. Back then he had also hoped that maybe the bleeding didn't mean the worst, but it did.

Today Nolan had gone to the office. I called him and told him what had happened. "I'll be right there." "Drive careful..." I didn't get to finish the sentence, before he ended the call.

When Nolan came home I was already ready to go, with my bag packed. As we sat to the car he asked how heavy the bleeding was. "Don't do this again", I sighed quietly. Nolan looked at me, and I saw him swallowing his tears.

I hadn't even recovered from the previous miscarriage, and now I had to give birth to my tiny, dead daughter.

But worst of it all was Nolan and his tears. I couldn't stand his tears anymore.

Five months later we both were still recovering. I was too afraid to try again. I don't think I would have survived another stillbirth.

I felt just as dead as my dead little girl.


	5. Chapter 5: Sex on heels

**Chapter 5: Sex on heels**

How could I ever compete with Louise Ellis? That woman was literally _sex on heels_; a voluptuous red head with a perfect figure and angelic face. Her personality though was nothing short of a devil, that's why I couldn't understand why Nolan had befriended her. She was a liar and a manipulator, but those traits were nothing compared to attempted murder: Louise had tried to kill Margaux LeMarchal.

One evening we were leaving from a restaurant in town when we run into a way too familiar pair of heels.

"Hi, Elena." After three drinks I greeted Louise gleefully.

Louise looked at Nolan worriedly.

"Is she quite alright?" she asked with her thick southern accent.

I kept my mean smile on as Nolan's eyes switched to me.

"I know who you are and what you have done", I whispered slowly and grabbed Nolan's arm even more strongly.

"I don't know what you are thinking but there never was anything like that between us", the red head claimed.

"And there never will be", Nolan said quietly looking into nothingness.

And I kept smiling, now past Louise. For a brief moment I savored in a forbidden thought: How wonderful it would feel like to have Louise committed. Or put behind bars, where she belonged. But I couldn't do that, I had promised Nolan something and he trusted me to keep that promise.

Then I realized why Nolan had cut Louise out of his life: He was afraid I would do something to her. And he was right.

My smile changed to a real one. And happy.

Nolan started to walk me away from her, but I couldn't help looking back.


	6. Chapter 6: Hesitant

**Chapter 6: Hesitant**

"Let's set the date", a soft voice proposed.

Is there a better way to wake up in the morning? It was still dark outside, but my heart was finally starting to defreeze. It was spring again, and another summer at the Hamptons was about to begin.

When I opened my eyes I saw Nolan's, sky blue. I reached my hand to mess his morning hair even a bit more. He had said in the past that he loved that, but I had my doubts, as he was so meticulous about his hair.

"Ems... I think I've waited long enough to marry you."

Lately I had been hesitant about our wedding because of my reproductive problems. Nolan had said that he didn't care if we had kids or not. That we could always adopt. But how could I deny the world Nolan's offspring?

"Don't you want to become Mrs. Ross?"

In my mind that title seemed somewhat tainted, thanks to Louise's history in the position. But I'd never tell Nolan that.

If I could make Nolan so happy by marrying him, maybe I should just do it?

We had had the wedding conversation many times, but never with a real conclusion. This time I wanted just a small wedding without the media lurking somewhere. But the problem was the we weren't exactly Mr. and Mrs. Nobody.

Nolan told me to stop worrying and to just rip the bandage off. So that morning, as the first light of the rising sun reached the windows, we finally set the date.

I regretted my decision to marry Nolan for the rest of my life.


	7. Chapter 7: You may kiss the bride

**Chapter 7: "You may kiss the bride"**

"Feels like I've loved you for a thousand years."

Nolan's wedding vow was still echoing on my mind when we stepped outside of the small chapel as a newlywed couple. The sun was shining from a cloudless sky, on a warm spring day. Nolan looked at me, smiling in utter happiness.

Then, within seconds, all was lost.

Something red caught my eye. Then there were two bangs, and Nolan fell down. When I looked up I saw Louise with a gun in her hand.

"He's mine", Louise whispered with a trembling voice.

Nolan's teary, terrified eyes never left mine. His last word was my name. As he died in my arms I could think of only one thing.

Revenge.

But then Louise's shaky hand lifted the gun to her temple and fired.

Still to this day I don't know how Louise knew about our wedding. I don't even want to think about where the leak was, I have so few friends left.

On my darkest days I think it was Nolan himself who 'invited' Louise. It seems to me that Nolan never understood how unstable and dangerous person Louise really was. He paid with his life for trusting the wrong person.

But my self-blame is the worst. If I had taken care of the Louise-problem when I felt like it, Nolan would still be alive. I have his blood on my hands.

After the funeral I had every intention of following Nolan, but then I found out I was pregnant. I put our houses for sale and left Hamptons for good.

Eight months later I gave birth to a sweet little baby girl, with blond hair and sky blue eyes.

THE END

_Author's note_: I really, really didn't want to kill Nolan. He's my favorite character and if he does get killed in the show, I won't be able to stand it.

The ending of this story was inspired by a French movie called '_La Mariée était en noir_'. The movie is about a woman whose husband is shot dead by a stray bullet at the church stairs right after their wedding. She dedicates her life avenging his death, tracking down and killing all of his killers.


End file.
